NEW YEAR, SAME ME.
AND THAT’S ENOUGH.
Earlier this month, my brilliant colleague Kim wrote a great blog post about the challenges of going back to school after the holidays and the unrealistic expectations of maximal performance that come from living in a settler colonial capitalist system. This got me thinking on the impacts many of us experience on our self-worth and self-esteem around this time of year, especially as resolution / goal setting and “new year, new you!” messaging is rampant around us right now.
Some folks find the new year to be an exciting time to set new resolutions and make positive changes in their lives, and that’s fantastic! Many of us, however, find this time of year to be extremely challenging for various reasons. Some of us are navigating feelings of loneliness or grief, recovering from busy holiday plans, being away from home, trying to get back into routines ourselves and/or supporting others to do so, and experiencing seasonal impacts on mental health, physical health or daily functioning. All of this while navigating some of the coldest and darkest days of the year doesn’t exactly make for an ideal foundation to set new goals or habits, when many of us are barely hanging on to our existing routines. Many folks find they have more capacity to set goals and make changes in the Spring, when the days are longer, brighter, and many parts of nature around us are waking up from winter hibernation.
I’ve been having lots of conversations with friends, family and clients recently about the disappointment some of us feel when reflecting on past resolutions/goals (no matter what time of year these are set) and noticing that the same goals show up year after year. While this might signify failure of accomplishing goals to some, it’s important challenge ourselves to reframe this as an affirmation that these reoccurring goals are important enough for us to want to continue working on them. Most goals involving behavioural changes and/or creating new habits and routines will often take longer than 365 days, anyways!
It’s common to experience negative impacts on self-esteem and self-worth when these are heavily tied to goals revolving around the Gregorian calendar (which was of course invented by a man, in 1582), media pressure and unrealistic expectations of living in a settler colonial capitalist system. It’s great to want to make positive changes and set goals in our lives, but it’s also very important not to tie our self-worth and self-esteem to the outcome of those goals. We are worthy of love and respect, and we are already enough even if we are working towards achieving goals or making changes, regardless of how those play out.
(<-Pope Gregory, scowling because the passing of time as a measure of one’s self worth is horrible and punishing)
So, whether you are someone who embraces the new year as a time to set resolutions or goals, or someone who needs a break and is just doing the best they can right now, I encourage you to be gentle with yourself and know that you are already enough as you are right now.
Here are two reminders when it comes to goal setting and grounding ourselves in our enough-ness.
If this feels like a season where you need rest, instead of setting new year’s resolutions/goals, make a list of your top values and how these are already shown in your existing behaviours and routines. This can be helpful in reminding ourselves of what we are already doing, often creating less pressure to constantly add more to the list.
The next time you want to make changes or set goals for yourself (no matter what time of year)…
Consider if that time is the right time and if it will set you up with good changes to achieve these goals/changes. There may never be a good time but sometimes are better than others!
Reflect on which values might be rooted into your new goals. Make sure that your goals are based on changes you actually want to see or things you actually want to achieve, and not just changes or achievements you are expected to make or want.
It can be helpful to reflect on which values and related behaviours you already have in place that will help you work towards your goals or changes. This helps goal setting to be more realistic and less overwhelming, as well as reducing negative impacts on self-esteem and self-worth when these are not tied to the outcomes of our goals.
